Memories
by Storybookgirl08
Summary: Kate thinks she has got everything wrong as the memories of her shooting begin to haunt her.Can Castle help replace her memories with some infinately better ones?Can they finally see what really matters?


**Disclaimer I do not own Castle. No copyright infringement intended or should be inferred.**

**M rated. Not for kiddies.**

**Memories.**

The room was pitch dark as he opened his eyes. The last thing he wanted to do was move. The warm duvet covered him and he had no intention of risking getting cold. Sighing heavily he turned to his side. She wasn't there. He paused. Convinced it was a dream, that Kate Beckett hadn't just spent the night beside him. He closed his eyes as he tried to fight the image of her laying with him, kissing him as he ran his hands over her bare skin as she had held him to her. He blinked the remaining sleep away from his eyes as he realised she was stood staring out of the window in silence.

"Kate?"

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't." He swung his bare legs over the side of the bed as he watched her. She hadn't moved a muscle but he was almost certain she was crying. "Kate? What is it?"

"I'm fine."

"Kate?"

"I just said I'm fine." He raised an eyebrow as she dipped her head to avoid his gaze. The dim light of the bedroom did nothing to hide her tears. Gently he rested his hands on her shoulders and turned her to him.

"Kate." He touched her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. She blinked back yet more tears. Kate Beckett, Detective First Grade Katherine Beckett did not cry. Ever. It just didn't happen.

"How could I have been so wrong?"

"What?"

"I was working alongside him everyday for almost a decade. He was my mentor. My friend. How could I not see it?"

"Roy was a good man. He made a mistake. A colossal mistake but a mistake. He cared about you. About the department. He made a mistake he spent the rest of his life trying to atone from." He brushed her hair away from her face as he spoke. Kate's eyes fluttered closed as he pulled her into his arms. "Don't hate him."

"I can't. I've tried."

"Kate." He kissed the top of her head as he felt her arms wrap around his waist.

"What if I am wrong now? What if I am wrong about everything else?"

"Like what?" He whispered in her ear as he felt her start to cry.

"Like this. Us. What if?"

"You know me." He closed his eyes. "You know how I feel about you. That's the truth. You know everything there is to know about me. I've been in love with you for so long."

"I know." She kissed his neck as her hair fell across his chest. His eyes fell closed as he felt her lips graze his skin. He kissed her hair before pulling back to hold her at arms length. "But if you think this is a mistake. If you want me to go."

"No." She bit her lip while he held her gaze.

"Kate, if this isn't right."

"I nearly died."

"I know."

"Someone wanted to kill me. I was shot."

"I know." Castle swallowed hard, trying to fight the memories of her lying on the grass with blood oozing out of her jacket still haunted his dreams. Her pristine police uniform splattered with her own blood would be the one memory he would take to the grave. "Kate."

"I remember what you said."

"What?"

"When you dived on me. When you held me that day. At Roy's funeral."

"You said you didn't. At the hospital, at the station you said you didn't."

"I lied." Kate blinked back tears, annoyed with herself for crying. She had never cried in front of Josh. The only time her dad had seen her shed a tear was at her mother's funeral. Castle watched her as his heart began to break all over again. She was going to say it was all a mistake, that she had felt obliged to him. He closed his eyes as he felt her touch his chin.

"Why?"

"It was too much. Roy was dead. I was wounded. I just couldn't deal with it." He nodded, waiting for her to strike the final blow.

"Kate."

"Castle. Rick." She brought her lips to his. The kiss was the briefest they had shared but in seconds it started again. "I was wrong. I thought you didn't mean what you said. I thought you were saying it because I was dying."

"I was." Her eyes snapped open. "I thought it was my last chance. Kate, I can't loose you." His hands skimmed down her side as she sighed.

"Then don't."

"What?"

"Don't loose me." She undid the tie on her robe as he pulled her to him, pausing only when she winced.

"What? Oh God."

"Just a little tender. It was a big bullet. .45 tend to leave scars."

"Sorry."

"Don't be." She kissed him as her robe fell to the floor.

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Sunlight streamed through the bedroom curtains as Castle opened his eyes for the second time. Kate with her head on his chest as one arm fell around his waist. His eyes ran over her body as he remembered what had happened once they had fell onto his bed. He couldn't help but smile as he remembered how she had moved beneath him, how she had kissed him back as though he was the only man she would ever kiss again. He sincerly hoped that would be the case. Gently he circled the skin around the still prominant scar on her chest.

"Kate." He kissed her forehead as she stretched slightly. He was determined that the memories of that awful day, of waiting for her to come out of the OR would be erased. That she would only remember how much he loved her, how he was determined no one would ever hurt her again. She opened one eye lazily as she felt his eyes on her.

"Morning."

"Hey."

"Castle, last night."

"Ssh."

"No, I should have said something. I should have told you."

"Kate?" He was immediately concerned. The kiss she placed on the centre of his chest reassured him slightly but not enough that he wasn't sure she was going to run at any second.

"I love you. I should have told you I love you." He couldn't help the smile that crept across his face. Kate raised her head to look at him a second before he flipped them so he was hovering over her. She raised an eyebrow as he began trailing kisses along her collar bone. She felt her breathing begin to speed up as she held him to her.

"You know I've always thought, actions speak louder than words."

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A/N Again, not sure about this. Please review.


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